Demonstrating the use of keywords in quotations

Reading Overview Paper 2: Practicing Revision Strategies for Content
Demonstrating the use of keywords in quotations
Developing the conclusion
To apply elements of revision to the overall paper
Another Readings ENGL 102. Week Seven: Using Keywords for Effective Quotations
Over the last six weeks, you have been using keywords as strategies for reading and writing. As we have seen, they unite a piece of writing and offer the reader a way of locating and noting key concepts.
There is one more way to use keywords: at the quotation level.
Many times, writers will create a first draft and put in quotations that are lengthy because the quotation overall supports the idea the writer wants to make.
We have seen, though, that the introduction of other voices into a piece of writing can create multiple points of view, and the quoted material, if lengthy, can take over or dominate the conversation.
One way to control this type of take-over is to control the length of quoted material you use. Here’s a way to see if you have let another voice take over your writing.
Read aloud one of your paragraphs that uses quoted material. When you come to the quotation, change the sound of your voice. See how long it goes on. How did it feel to change your voice for that length of time? Can you “hear” how the other voice has taken over your voice?
To help reduce or control this type of domination, you can use the strategy of keywords for your quotations.
Look again at the paragraph with a lengthy quotation. Scrutinize the quotation. Can you identify keywords in it that will present the idea of the sentence? You can thereby paraphrase the rest of the quoted material and use the keywords only as the quoted material. That way they highlight the material and the writer’s voice rather than letting the other writer’s voice take over.
Here’s an example. First, look at the paragraph and see note the length of the quotation. Look at the context around it.
In the second fable, the fox works with other animals in order to find food—yet the fox discovers that working together on a team does not ensure equality amongst them. The fox is on a team of other animals, the Jackal and the Wolf; they hunt with the Lion. “They hunted and they hunted till at last they surprised a Stag, and soon took its life. Then came the question how the spoil should be divided” (5). The Lion orders them to “’Quarter me this Stag” (5). The other animals do so. The Lion soon reveals that he will not grant the other animals any share of the bounty.
Revision (focusing on using key words from the quoted material and more development to demonstrate synthesis:
In both fables, the fox loses, but for different reasons. Unlike the first fable, in which the fox works alone, in the second fable, the fox works together with other animals in order to find food—yet the fox discovers that working together on a team does not ensure equality.**(End of reading)
Week Seven Discussion Board Part 1: (This is the assignment from week six you did; I attached the very old vs young man for in case)Review the feedback you received on the paragraph you posted in Week Six. Revise accordingly. As part of the revision, focus on shortening any quoted material. You want to move away from providing a sentence-long (or longer) quotation. Per the information provided in the reading for Week Seven, look carefully at the quotation to identify keywords in it that you can use in a paraphrase of the quotation.
If the paragraph does not have a quotation, find a quotation elsewhere in the paper and revise accordingly.
Post your revised paragraph here. Note what you revised and why, including how you revised the quotation. If you do not have any quoted material in the paragraph, post a quotation and a revision as a separate paragraph.
As you’re revising your paragraphs for content, consider the comments you received on Paper 1 for the development of your paragraphs. Consider how that feedback may apply to Paper 2. For instance, if you received a notation about stronger development, be sure to review Paper 2 for any areas that may need stronger development. Or if you received feedback that your topic sentences could be stronger, make sure that the topic sentences are clearly stated in Paper 2.
Part 2: You also will need to write a conclusion for your paper this week. Review the material on conclusions in Week Four, and any comments you may have received on your conclusion in Paper 1. Look for ways to revise the conclusion from Paper 1 to match your newly developed Paper 2. You can post your conclusion in your discussion posting to receive feedback on it.
Use the file below, “W7Rubric,”(attached) to see how this week’s post will be graded.
In order to receive timely feedback from the instructor, initial discussion posts are due by Thursday, April 28th, at 11:30PM ET.
Here are the two documents, see if you can now see it and also I will provide the feedback from yesterday I recieved from the professor Kimberly:
Kimberly Banks
Actions for reply by Kimberly Banks
A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings vs Young Goodmand Brown
Hi Samantha,
You are discussing the two texts separately. You need to bring them together into a unified analysis. Start by using the same keywords in both texts. If the supernatural and religion are your key terms for discussing “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings,” then they should also be your key terms when discussing “Young Goodman Brown.” If good and evil are your key terms when discussing “Young Goodman Brown,” then they should also be your key terms when discussing “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings.”
In the drafting stage, think of ways to compare each story in every body paragraph. You do not yet have a thesis statement. Once you post a statement that includes both texts, I can make suggestions for how to break your statement into claims.
Remember that the purpose of this paper is synthesis. You still need to answer the question of how the comparison between “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings” and “Young Goodman Brown” leads to a deeper understanding of how morality works in both texts. In other words, what do you learn about the way morality works in “Young Goodman Brown” because you compared it to “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings”? What do you learn about the way morality works in “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings” because you compared it to “Young Goodman Brown”?
Your paragraph analysis must include the following: the paragraph’s topic sentence, how one of the they say/I say templates is used, at least one area of commentary, and at least one key word. 
Kimberly Banks
Actions for reply by Kimberly Banks
Hi Samantha,
The summaries have to be in your own words. Quoting extensively does not provide an overview of each story’s plot development.
You have included one point of comparison: “These two stories are similar in the prosperity point of view.” You have not included points of contrast. Each point should refer to both stories.
Your thesis statement cannot be two quotations. A thesis statement must be in your own words. I highly recommend that you submit your work to the Effective Writing Center for feedback. 
In reviewing your claims, you should avoid summaries of plot points, which is your first claim. Your second claim is promising. How does the old man’s uniqueness in “A Very Old Man” compare with the artist’s uniqueness in “A Hunger Artist”? For your third and fourth claims, you are using ideas verbatim from your first paper. You will need to re-think these ideas in the context of your comparison. Does “A Very Old Man” contain parallel passages that would allow you to explore your third and fourth claims in greater detail?

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